Never Thought I'd Say This

I said I was going to blog in 2015 and if I'm going to blog then I need to be true to what's really going on in my life. I think my lack of transparency is why I haven't blogged in so long. So... truth time:


I never thought I'd say this-- or even put this out there for people to read-- but trying to get pregnant is the most difficult thing I've ever done.

Miles and I have been trying to have a baby for well over a year and a half.

We've been tested. I've had (many painful) exams. I've charted for the past 13 months. I've been taking my temperature daily since May. We've had so much sex that if people were to find out, Miles would get high-fives from strangers (for real). I've finished my third round of fertility medicine.

There has been anger and tears-- so many tears.

I've gone through every horrible situation in my head.

I've Googled everything imaginable about trying to conceive and infertility.

I've laughed at how much birth control money I could have saved over the years.

I've meditated, prayed, and wished on shooting stars.

And still... I'm not pregnant.

But what bothers me most about everything, is that I can't talk about it. No one talks about infertility. Pregnancy and babies are favorite topics among my coworkers right now, but no one talks with those who can't. Infertility is isolating.

I'm not bitter- at least I try not to be, but I'm discouraged. The journey to having children is usually an easy one for couples who've been together for 11 years and married for 5...  So to not be pregnant leaves me sad and confused.

I know one day Miles and I will have children, but I wish for my heart's sake that I could know when this will happen. I'm working on being patient, but how much more patient can I be?


And that, my friends, is what's really on my mind.

Prelim Study Buddies

Miles will be bald by the time he graduates // I've been living in my poofy vests and these new sneakers // UT's stadium in the sunset

Miles' prelims are coming up, so there are a lot of weekends at the library. What are prelims, you ask? Before he can continue in his PhD program, Miles has to pass an oral examination about anything related to geology or science related to his area of study. Literally anything. He has a list of a million or so articles he needs to read and he's also been going through old class notes. It's a big deal, so between prelim studying and research, Miles has very little free time.

So as a good wife, I take dessert and an arm load of my own work for our little study dates in a high corner of the UT Library. We watch the sunset and just try to enjoy the moment. It's not a ton of fun, but it's part of being married to a student.

The past few days

Books about books

Lewis, refusing to believe that I had to go back to work.

Hard to see, but those are new shoes I'm wearing!

Cutest mug ever. Love late Christmas presents!

Cold skies, beautiful sunsets. 

So, I realized that my last post was Monday and today is Thursday. Whoops. It's been a busy few days of getting back into the swing of working, working out, cleaning, and cooking... and watching Friends on Netflix. 

Books Read in 2015: The Yonahlossee Riding Camp For Girls

The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls by Anton DiSclafani

Last year was the first year in a long while that I didn't keep track of what I was reading. I needed a break! I needed to lay and look at the wall without thinking. I needed to have an excuse to start a book and not finish it. I do a lot of reading and there can be pressure to read as much as I can! But this year, I'm back at it.

The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls is my first pick for the new year. To be honest, it's the first book in a long time that I've picked up and I picked it up only because it was about boarding school and summer camp. Oh, those summers I worked at summer camp. So much scandal. And I always wish I would have attended boarding school. I just think it would have been fun.

Anyway, the book was good! It was a little more sensual that I would have thought for a book about a 15 year old during the depression, but I liked it. The author did a great job weaving in the background or what Thea was being punished for with Thea's current life at the camp. It's not my typical novel-- I really do love a good mystery-- but I'm glad I picked it up!

SLJ

Last year I worked on a huge project for my library. I collected video book talks from local celebrities to show my students on the video announcements. It was a long project and a lot of fun to do, but it was a also a lot of hard work. When the project was finished, I sent an article about it into School Library Journal. So many people had loved the project, I wanted to share it with others who might also be interested in collecting book talks. The original article came out online last month and ended up getting such a great response that SLJ published a shorter version of the article in this month's print edition! Since studying to be a librarian, I've had "to be published" on my bucket list. How cool is it that SLJ was the first to put my name in print?

2015

For 2015, I want to blog. Over the course of this past year, I've realized how much harder writing is now that I'm not writing all the time. It takes so much longer to decide how to say things on paper when it used to just flow freely. I'm toying with the idea of furthering my education (again) or writing a children's book (what librarian doesn't) and if I want to do those things, I'd better start writing. So, I'm writing again. Or blogging. Whatever you want to call this.  Just keep me accountable, okay?  Okay. Let's go, 2015!

28

Three ways I'm getting old:

I have fresh flowers all over my house.

I like color on my lips.

I'm now a newspaper subscriber (to a mediocre newspaper, but still- I subscribe!).

Other ways:

I spent my Saturday morning shopping for cloth napkins to match my dishes and Thanksgiving decorations.

I was pumped to get my flu shot today at work.

I'd rather watch Friends reruns than meet new TV characters.